An ever important topic of self-esteem. In short, it means the way we perceive ourselves. And looking into authenticity and learning its content, it explains that self-esteem can be build in two main ways or paths.
This topic has to do with some others that are often well known. Like defence mechanisms, and accepting or battling criticism. When a person took one path to developing self-esteem, that person might turn on defence mechanisms to every criticism that turns up and presents a danger in his or her eyes. We can see that with individuals searching for every word possibly that will make them look good and keep their reputation untarnished. And when a person takes another path, he or she is capable of taking criticism and calmly look into the words they receive (what is called balanced processing).
But in personal sense, cruising to the right direction in developing your self-esteem will bring you calmness in life. An ability to stick to your values and ways, without having to scream and shout to argument it; you can speak in whispers or just simply know to yourself who you are.
Two forms of self-esteem
The first form of (high) self-esteem is called optimal self-esteem. The main characteristic of this is that it is built on a genuine, truthful self-image; one that can be maintained and shown over and over again. The second form is the so-called fragile high self-esteem. The latter is built on external opinion and recognition, and requires us to continually achieve certain standards (e.g. results, success).
Optimal self-esteem
Optimal self-esteem is a result or product of authenticity. It is a general desire and approach in which we want to know the ‘real things’, the authentic and true images. This kind of self-esteem is built when we have acquired an awareness of who we are (i. e. in some given aspect that interests us), and also why we are, or what has shaped us in this way. In theoretical terminology we have constructed the pair of self-awareness and self-acceptance. We therefore have a completely pure and realistic image of ourselves, which we will easily show and maintain again and again every day.
I want to point out two main characteristics of a person with optimal self-esteem. A person that build self-image this way sets own (what we may call inner) standards. Quite simply put, that person wants to know what is important to him or her and not to some either narrower or wider circle of society. He or she wants to understand personal motivations, sources of happiness, personal strengths and weaknesses, desires to improve, goals and aims, etc. And all those internal elements are what drives and guides person’s behavior (in a broader sense, this is described by the term internalised regulation).
Second characteristic is that such a person operates with a motive of self-verification. What this tells us is first and foremost the emphasis that authentic individuals are always interested in reality and truth. Sugarcoating or even just convincing oneself into something is of no use when reality points to another direction. What matters is to really come to a desired outcome, be it personal growth or success at work, so finding out about mistakes made is nothing to be hesitant or afraid to do.
A fragile high self-image
This form of self-esteem is constructed differently. Under certain pressures (e.g. from other people, but also from time, commitments) we do not want to admit e. g. a certain mistake, our own weakness, or even our emotions. In our thinking, we therefore start to look for ways around it, like new ways of interpreting the situation in order to avoid this admission. What we know as the defence mechanism is triggered. It is a distancing from reality and a desire to achieve a higher self-esteem by following this shortcut.
The two characteristics described in the previous point (highlighted in bold) take a different form here. The first form of self-esteem described above is characterised by the regulation according to personal or internal criteria, while the fragile high self-esteem is characterised by the pursuit of external criteria. While the former are relatively stable and enduring, the latter are characterised by a greater degree of contingency. This means that they may be inconsistent with what is important to us personally. We begin to reject our personal beliefs, values and other internal guiding principles. With this, we then reduce our perceived self-worth. And we are dependent on (random) reactions and validation from the external environment for our self-image (what theory calls contingent or random self-image).
The motive of self-affirmation and self-promotion. While optimal self-esteem brings into action a tendency to recognise one’s true nature, fragile high self-esteem brings a tendency to maintain this perceived high self-esteem. When we enter into relationships and communication with such a tendency, it implies our willingness to bend information in our favour or to achieve our ends (what is more broadly called manipulative communication).
Conclusion
The motivations described in this paper are subconscious in nature. When a person’s self-esteem is constructed in different ways, then this subconscious, automatic response also takes different courses. However, this difference is by no means negligible. Authenticity is a commitment to knowing reality. For the individual, it means opening up personal potential and overcoming limitations; for the community, it means that proverbial “pouring of pure wine” and the possibility of talking about the things that bother us and thus changing in the direction we want. This is one of the important qualities that make authenticity one of the key concepts of our times.
Paradim 