How to live authentically?

The writings on authenticity have outlined in a few essential points about what it means to live authentically. In this last post on the topic, we start with a brief summary.

Looking back: living authentically

• To live authentically is to pursue (one’s own, personal) self-fulfilment. We want to know ourselves and find out what means the most to us, what results we personally consider success, what makes us happy, what gives us energy, what dreains our energy, and so on. We want to pursue personal goals and develop a life that is in line with our personal beliefs and values.
• As such, authenticity is a way of life. It is not about a task or a set goal, it is about developing a well-defined (and positive) relationship to inner experience, to the body’s signals and to the self as a whole. This is the basis for developing relatively lasting positive feelings such as motivation, contentment, calmness (which is why the topic of authenticity is also included in the field of positive psychology), and building personal resilience and strength.
• The foundation of this lifestyle is (self-)awareness. The authentic person knows and understands himself. As C.G. Jung said, ‘(such a person) is not what has happened to him, but what he chooses to be or become’. It is a life lived in the style of an enlightened person who learns about all parts and areas of his life and consciously directs himself towards what he wants to become.
• Development begins with so-called triggers that initiate the process of self-discovery. A life that is as true to our personal qualities as possible (and therefore natural, easy) cannot be built without knowing ourselves. Dedication to this process can happen with positive triggers (contact with an authentic person, education in the field, promotion at work, travel to a new culture that gives us a new view of ourselves, etc.) or negative triggers (illness, death of a loved one, financial collapse, etc.). The positive ones work on us through inspiration, the negative ones more in the form of coercion.
• We have described optimal self-esteem. It stems from high self-awareness and self-acceptance. So, in one part that we know who we are, and second that we also accept it. Self-acceptance means having a positive attitude towards our characteristics (strengths and weaknesses) and does not mean that this will stop us in developing or learning. On the contrary, it is the basis for a (highly) objective acceptance and interpretation of information (including criticism), which only enhances our personal growth and development.
• Let us refer to the last broad trait by the following: authentic action. An authentic person is committed to knowing and presenting a true, real image. He/she has a positive attitude towards his/her own image and considers it (solid) information for better decision-making. In relationships with others and in making own decisions, he or she just wants to show him/herself in the true form. Rather then adapting the self (i. e. personal values, principles, thoughts and believes, etc.), an authentic person focuses on adapting personal choices and actions to build a life that suits the self. Personal values, beliefs, goals, etc. are the main drivers of decisions (which as a trait is called internalised or internalised regulation).

How to live authentically?

The written content represents the concept and the very idea of (psychological) authenticity. Today it is important to cope successfully (as a counter measure) with higher or high external pressures and to build the aforementioned personal resilience. It is also a good way to build a relatively lasting and stable contentment. In relationships, it is a manner for building trust and achieve greater connectedness or deeper relationships. But what about the next question: how do we go about it? The answer will not be a prescription (I don’t really believe that those work), but some insight into this area.

The correct interpretation of life events

How do we explain a failure? What was “to blame”? What went wrong? Why was the result not what we wanted? How to approach the next similar challenge? The theme of this is content in HOW we explain life events. If we want to move towards authenticity, it is not enough to accumulate life events, but equally important to interpret them appropriately.

The first term to mention here is that of reflection or self-reflection. When we are in the event itself, we experience it emotionally. For example, we are under various pressures, various influences and other factors, and our interpretation of the event is automatic and subconscious. Reflection emphasises the importance of treating events with some distance and less burdened thinking. For example, after an event, we mentally walk through the event again and reflect on ‘what really happened’.

Let’s go one step further and see something similar in a slightly different context. When we are young, especially when we are in our early childhood years, we experience events more emotionally and mostly on a more unconscious level. Thus, a huge number of childhood events (may) have no conscious explanation – and this is what psychotherapists working in the psychoanalytic method are concerned with. With them, we often take a walk down memory lane into childhood to look at some of the key events afresh (with more adult, conscious thinking) and, so to speak, rewrite our own story. In doing so, we reinterpret our own events, redefine our personal qualities and abilities, and redefine our self-esteem (and break through any limitations we may have set for ourselves).

Breathing in and out … and again

Does meditation play a role in all that these writings are about? Personally, when I first met mediation, I understood it as a breathing technique. As a way of focusing on the breath, of oxygenating the body and calming it down. Preferably, you empty your mind as much as possible (or sometimes you just block it out and don’t let it disturb your peace). Well, that was quite a misunderstanding.

Can you take 10 minutes, 20 minutes or more to breathe in and out? Will any thoughts in between surprise you, scare you, pull you into some activity, or will you be able to stay with the in-breath and out-breath? Meditation is a technique for building self-awareness and self-acceptance. So being aware of what thoughts and other experiences we have inside and accepting those thoughts. We do not struggle with our inner experience, but it is an object for us to learn about ourselves. We don’t block thoughts, we let them be what they are.

Authentic ways

Let’s jump to the last topic. It is built on the foundation that says: all roads lead to Rome. When Rome and the Roman State was the centre of the world, and was itself the architect of most of the paved trade routes, it was believed that ‘every road leads to Rome’. Through the process of self-exploration we build self-awareness. Then comes self-acceptance, which is the cultivation of a positive attitude towards all that we are. The next step is to follow this up with action – authentic ways of being.

How would I perform an action or complete a task? There are always multiple paths and multiple ways to do this. Whatever our style and preferences, all that is needed is to choose our way and nurture it (develop it, refine it) until it comes together into a rounded whole. For example, the authors of different ideas and messages have different personal characteristics and preferences. Some people lean on their ability and passion for writing and write a book. Others rely on appealing to the masses and go into public speaking. Others add digital creativity and create video content.

Before I went into dealing with leadership theories, I was involved in researching the content of talent and how to achieve success. There are really many factors that influence performance and assessing the talent of others is a really challenging task. The field of positive psychology (which is where we are with all these writings) links talent identification to the fact that the existence of talent is well indicated by the positive feelings that performing an activity releases. Following personal preferences and the ease of doing an activity can therefore be a very appropriate way of finding the right form for oneself. Then there is always persistence, nurturing and development, and in the end … you will always find an arrival to Rome.

Conclusion

This series of writings on authenticity is now concluded. The subject is broad and much more could be written about it, but these notes are intended and pointed to give you a basic message about what authenticity is all about, and perhaps inspire you to build a more aware, contented and resilient life, to appreciate your own values and successfully build a life that will express them. Not only for all of you as individuals; it would also mean a lot to us as a community.